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28 September 2011 @ 11:54 am
I have been in this place for a month now.......I want to go home, but that yawning chasm of emptiness scares the hell out of me. This is also the time of year that brings with it the most ghosts, and I am not in a hurry to be alone when they come.

My dreams have been angry lately.....I have never dealt with anger at things that have happened to me, and I think it is beginning to rise to the surface, and I'm not so sure being home alone with now would be a good idea anyway. In a fit of displaced anger several days ago I slashed the hell out of my upper arm. I should have gotten stitches, but I told no one, as that would have ended me in the hospital for longer than I care, and this place is better than that.

I have been praying a lot, mostly for other people, and they have been working, so I began praying for myself. But all I ask for myself is strength and courage.

Counseling today, which has been brutal lately. Every week I go to spill my guts and tears, only to come back exhausted and hurting. Feeling the pain is part of the process, but I could go without it.

Jasmine turned 6 yesterday. It's the first birthday I have ever missed.
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative